Communication Vs. Connectedness
There is a major difference between communication and true emotional connectedness. It’s so easy to confuse the two given how much time we (I) spend communicating via iPhone. We are doing the best we can, juggling a million different things, but we (I) need to stop confusing texting, DMing, liking, and all that other shit with real human interaction and connectedness.
iPhone = communication device.
We’ve all been there. You get caught up in being “too busy” (bullshit) so rely on text/social media to feel like you’re emotionally connected to those you love, or maybe just like. Fact of the matter is, just because we witness someone’s “life” unfold on IG, we truly have no idea what is actually going on in their lives.
A recent online dating scenario is what inspired me to really think about communication vs connection: you match, “talk,” make plans to meet a week or so later and have that really weird week between meeting each other. mall (or not so small) talk. VIA TEXT. BARF.
You spend a week creating inaccurate perceptions/assumptions about the person. And then you meet and....da fuq?!
I “met” this guy who hyper-texted me for a week, only to come face-to-face with what felt (and looked) like a complete stranger. But that’s the thing, he WAS a stranger. I confused communicating with connecting. To make matters worse, I felt uncomfortable with the amount of texting, I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him to chill out, as he wasn’t getting the hint from my delayed responses.
This experience (as well as similar past-experiences) was followed by a weird, mini emotional hangover of sorts for even allowing myself to invest that amount energy and time on someone I hadn’t even met yet.
There is a HUGE difference between who people appear to be via text/social media, vs. who they actually are.
Or, even worse, you got on what you think is a successful date, and somehow get stuck in a weird textual relationship. You know, when a person texts you without making any effort slash avoids making concrete plans when you suggest it - yet, continues to reach out to chat. PASS.
NEVER AGAIN...right?
To be clear, I’m not saying I want to abolish texting. I like it in certain situations. It’s fun getting hello texts from cute dudes I’m seeing and blasts from the past, or ridiculous updates from friends.
Texting is for quick I love and miss you’s from family, friends, and lovers; holy hell this simply cannot wait updates, memes, and logistics. Not for drawn out conversations, arguments, or replacing a good old fashioned hang out sesh, FaceTimes, and phone calls. Especially with people you’ve never met or barely know.
There are exceptions, of course, like friends who live far away. And let’s underscore that adulting is full of commitments and responsibilities. But, it always comes down to priorities.
I want to be better about this, and the opportunity to do so in relation to my dating life fell in my lap. This is happening in real time, people! Hello to my date if you are internet stalking me!
We matched. Chatted. He asked to call me (awesome). Spoke on the phone the next day, and made plans. Due to conflicting schedules, we settled on meeting next following week. I seized the moment, and shamelessly (and awkwardly) asked to not text during the ten days (!!!) prior. He laughed, and we compromised - one dog pic text while I’m away, but no pressure to senselessly chat.
Pie in my face, plans changed and we are meeting tonight. BUT, it has been two days sans anxious/senseless texting, or creating some false narrative about a stranger. I’ll call this a mini-win.
Point being, go do fun shit stuff with your friends, don’t just text about it. And call your family.